Just Like You
by HarryPotterFanatic17
Summary: SO FAIL! Canada wants to be just like his brother, Alfred...though he can never be... gakuen hetalia, high school fanfic...rated T...u'll find out why when u read it
1. Welcome to my life

**OMiGawd! This sounds like a vent fanfic so bad, even though it actually wasn't supposed to be! FAIL!**

**This is actually my first fanfic about Canada...or should I say first attempt... #^.^#**

**I have been wanting to write a one shot for quite a while, and now i finally managed to do one...Sorry if it's fail ((which it probably is))...NYEH! *face-palm***

**Please review ^^**

I like to call it the "Lonely Table". Yes, and don't judge me, I have my reasons for calling it that. This is the table I sit on at lunch-break...ALONE!

Well, not completely alone; I have my polar bear toy "Mr Kumajuruo" with me as I can't seem to go anywhere without it. HIM! I like to think it's a him so I don't feel so bad. However it hardly helps.

Right now I am in 7th grade, (and I still carry a stuffed TOY with me, I know) but it seems that Mr Kumajuruo is my only friend. NO-ONE talks to me. I get bumped into ALL the time, even though I am just as tall as everyone else. The teachers ignore me, even when I know the answer and have had my hand in the air for the whole hour! It's like I'm invisible or something...

And that's extremely unfair seeing as my brother, Alfred, is the most popular boy in the school, he literally has a pet name for himself; The Hero. I'm not saying anything against him, it just seems like he has EVERYTHING that I could only wish for.

That is why even though I'm the older twin, I admire my brother. He is everything I want to be; funny, smart, noticed. Most of all, I want to be noticed.

In fact popularity is probably the most important thing I really need right now.

Though Alfred is still my idol, my role-model, my person to be. I want to be just like him...pft like that's ever going to happen.

Giving one more quick glance at my brother, sitting with all his really cool friends, I get up and, picking up Mr Kumajuruo, leave the cafeteria, and rush, unnoticed, to my dorm room I share with Alfred. It was only when I looked in the bathroom mirror, did I realise I'd been crying.

"Oh Al...I want to be just like you..." I whisper.

Though the only person that could hear me...was myself...

**It was much longer when I wrote it out on paper...oh sudas...I fail SO bad! D'X **


	2. The Difference

**Since EVERYONE is saying that i should write more of this...here is the second chapter...**

**I am glad that everyone likes the story so far...in my opinion it's too short and really bad, but am glad that everyone loves it.**

**Plus it's fun writing a fanfic that is about someone other than Poland and Lithuania...and its really sweet writing as Canada, so it's fun for me too...**

**Here's the second chapter then...hope it's as good (or in my terms "better") then the first:**

"Thank God for Thursdays" I thought to myself as I bit into my mega-deluxe cheese burger. Like every school, ours has a crappy menu, with meals such as "Spinach Surprise" or "Meatball Monstrosity" (that one really is a monstrosity, poor Feliciano had food-poisoning for a whole month after eating a spoonful!)

So, seeing as they serve all the worst possible meals on Thursdays; me and my friends all pop down to the local McD's for some REAL food.

We order a take-away and then come back to the school cafeteria to eat it so that we are not late for next lesson.

The reason we don't do this every day is because there are teachers on lunch-duty; really strict ones too, the type that won't even let you go to the bathroom until you have finished your plateful. But on Thursday's the teacher on duty is ALWAYS some old guy that never seems to get enough sleep, so he uses lunch-time as an opportunity. What luck, huh?

Tucking the last burger under my school jumper, and waving goodbye to my friends, I run upstairs to my dorm room. OUR dorm room! That reminds me, where is Mattie anyway?

"Mattie?" I call out.

"Eh? Al? Is that you? I'm over here" my twin brother replied from where he was sitting on the coach. Giving him the extra burger, I sit down beside him and ask "where were you at lunch? I didn't see you."

"Nothing new then..."

"What?"

"Never mind..."he whispered, taking a small bite out of the burger I had just given him. "So how was YOUR lunch?"

I smiled. "It was great! I had a mega-deluxe cheesy! With pickles, onions, ketchup… the whole caboodle! It was AWESOME!"

Mattie made a face, and shuddered.

"What was THAT for" I laugh.

"It sounds horrible! I don't even know how you can EAT that" he exclaimed.

I look at him in shock. "Mattie, these are the best burgers in the ENTIRE WORLD you are talking about here. You should try one, they are DELICIOUS!"

"What? So that I can fit in? Is that the only way to be noticed? TO FIT IN?" he snapped.

"W-what's up Mattie? Is there something w-wrong" I asked, my voice slightly shaky as I wasn't quite used to him acting like this. When he didn't respond, I gently place my hand on his knee, and try to meet his gaze, but he looked away, obviously annoyed at something. Suddenly he got up, and, picking up his bag and Mr Kumajuruo off the table, hurried out of the dorm room, leaving me in the depths of confusion.

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><p>Whatever happens, I can't let Alfred see me cry. It worries him...a lot. And with being the most popular boy in the school and all, he shouldn't have to worry about minor issues like me. Anyways, I can take care of myself.<p>

Pulling my i-pod out of my bag (purple, to match my eyes (yes I have purple eyes, I know)), I put my ear plugs into my ears and disconnect myself from my thoughts. "Rain on me" by Cheryl Cole came on. I usually wonder how songs like these got on here, but to be totally honest with you, today I was just too depressed to care. Even when it started pouring rain as I took the long way towards "Science block", I didn't even flinch. At least this way, no-one would see my tears...not that they saw them anyway...

**Another sad ending, I know. Well at least its longer, so I'm happy! ^^**

**What do you guys think? Please review...**


	3. Its for the best

**THIRD CHAPTER!**

**Took quite a while to write (sorry about that. Blame h/w and stupid teachers) but now it's finally done.**

**Hope you like ^^**

It was raining...AGAIN! I sigh, and, kicking off my converses, rummage through the shoe-rack for some wellies that didn't have a hole in them. Seriously, I had just had the "mega-deluxe cheesy". Why wasn't I feeling my awesome, heroic self? I knew why all too well. I was worried about Mattie. Something was troubling him, I was sure of it.

Problem is, Mattie doesn't want to worry me and therefore doesn't tell me what's bothering him. This way, he believes, will make the situation better, but it actually worries me more.

Like that time back in kinder-garden, when Mattie got stung by a wasp. He didn't tell me, because he knew I'd take him to the nurse, and he was scared of her. But I found out anyway, because during a game of pass-the-parcel (with the never ending parcel that was wrapped really badly, and filled with things like broken crayons and A5 sheets of coloured card) Mattie had a dreadful allergic reaction, and ended up in the ER! He hasn't been never a wasp since, but that memory of him shaking, all red-faced on the ABC carpet still haunts me.

So when Mattie acts like this, I obviously worry. Because if he doesn't tell me this time it might be too late to save him...oh what the hell am I on about? This is 7th grade, not kinder-garden. If Mattie KNEW there was something majorly wrong, he'd tell me...right?

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><p>The rain had drenched me to the bone...I was shivering with the cold...but I wasn't going to class. Not only was Science quite boring, but I just couldn't bear people ignoring me anymore. What's the use in trying? Nobody cared; they never did and they never will.<p>

Instead I made my way back to the dorm room. Alfred would have gone to class by now, so I would be alone anyway, but I didn't mind. This way, I could do what had to be done sooner. It was for the best after all...

**What's Mattie gonna do? Find out in chapter 4...(LOL I hate cliff-hangers too, but I like building up suspense... =P)**

**Sorry its so short...AGAIN!  
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**I will write more soon though, I promise.**


	4. Crimson Falls

**Forth chapter, just like I promised ^^**

**It's just Mattie's point of view, coz I dunno what to do with Al yet, and if i do his POV later, it will be a longer story with more chapters**

**This is probably the saddest chapter I've written so far, so brace yourselves**

**Hope you like it, and please review**

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><p>Ok, maybe it was too soon.<p>

I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, my heart beating madly against my chest, and I was shivering even though the heating was turned on full blast. However it was nothing to do with the cold.

Fear made my whole body tense (which didn't help the fact that my bones where ACHING!) and even though I was shivering, my palms were drenched in sweat.

I looked away from the mirror, instead looking down at the knife in my right hand. The dim light from the light-bulb reflected on it, giving it what seemed to be an eerie glow...exhaling shakily, I looked back up at the mirror again. Was it just the light, or had my face gone scarily pale? Great, now I was hallucinating. I ran my left hand through my dark blonde hair, trembling in the process. This was a lot more scary then I thought it would be...

What was that? Footsteps! And they were getting closer...wait, what time was it? Checking my watch made me even more confused. Or was it worried? Well, whatever emotion I was currently feeling, I couldn't distinguish it. It was 1:15. Class didn't finish until 2:00, so it couldn't possibly be Alfred, or could it be?...

Filled with some sort of urge to get it over a done with (probably an adrenaline rush or something), I lifted the knife slightly higher, and plunged it into my stomach, screaming in pain at the sudden contact of the blade.

"Mattie? Is that you?"

Oh no, it IS Alfred. And what was worse, the room seemed to sway...I reached forward aimlessly to try and grab the sink, but ended up falling onto the marble flooring. Somehow though, I still managed to remain conscious. Wincing in agony, I rested my hand on my stomach in order to try and hide the evidence. However once I lifted it off, it was COVERED in thick, crimson blood! Oh s***, this isn't good...pushing myself into sitting position. I realised that the entire lower half of my t-shirt was red! Pulling it up gently, I gasped in terror as a huge wound that had blood leaking from it like it was a crimson waterfall was revealed!

"Mattie? Are you in here? I just forgot my rain coat...OMFG! WHAT HAPPENED!"

It was all going wrong...it wasn't supposed to be like this...he wasn't supposed to know...in all my pain, i hadn't noticed the bathroom door opening...or Alfred standing there...

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><p><strong>DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!<strong>

**That's the end...of chapter 4...yes, Mattie does try to commit suicide, by stabbing himself...OMG! ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAD! –goes and cries forever in the corner-**

**I dunno when i will be able to write chapter 5...but it will defiantly be sometime in the near future...**

**Please review ^^**


	5. Had I known how to save a life

**CHAPTER 5! Finally, huh...**

**Still brace yourselves...anything could happen... **

**Enjoy**

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><p>The scene before me made my blood run cold...There was Mattie, my brother, my TWIN brother...on the bathroom floor BLEEDING! God, there was so much blood...<p>

A knife lay abandoned a few centimetres away from him...had he been attacked? I didn't know, everything just seemed too hard to comprehend right now...I couldn't speak, or make any form of movement...though I knew I probably should...

Silence. The only sound I could hear was my heartbeat, and Mattie's deep breathing...it scared me to know that I couldn't seem to do anything...I was powerless to help the one I loved most...

It was Mattie who broke the silence, surprisingly enough...

"Al...I can explain..." he rasped weakly.

I didn't like he sounded. His voice sounded like he was literally clinging onto life, like he was DYING! Could it be true? No...I didn't want to think like that. What he said next however, shocked me...

"I know what you're thinking. Someone hurt me...but the truth is...I did this to myself...I am SO sorry..."

Tears that I didn't even know I was holding back, flowed down my cheeks. The last time I cried was back in kinder-garden. But I couldn't help myself...

"Why..." I managed to blurt out.

Mattie's purple eyes met mine, but just for a moment, and then he looked away. "I'm sorry I made you cry..." he whispered.

I laughed bitterly, trying to ease the atmosphere. But all it did was make my heart ache more...I loved him, what was I doing just standing here?

I walked towards him, and sat down, taking his hand in mine. "Don't worry..."I told him.

He looked at me, this time however, his facial expression was one of the worst kind of pain imaginable. "Whatever you do..." he sighed "...I'm going to die"

"NO!" I yelled. Mattie...I needed him, I couldn't live without him...he was all I had...

Mattie looked at me, and I saw that he was crying too. "I'm sorry...but there's nothing you can do..." he muttered.

I fixed him with a firm stare, even though I was shaking. "There has to be SOMETHING" I sobbed. When he didn't look at me, I asked him "why...why would you do this to yourself?"

"Because...I have nothing to live for...I'm invisible to everyone...no one would miss me" he explained, however he still didn't meet my gaze.

I could feel my heart breaking. "That's not true...Mattie...you're my brother, and I love you more than anyone in the world...you're not invisible to ME, and I would miss you so much, I can't even describe it in words. You can't leave me. Not now, not yet...please..." I begged, locking my fingers between his.

"No, not yet...I have to tell you something first" he explained, finally looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.

I nodded, finding it hard to breathe how much my heart ached.

"I love you too Al...you are the one I looked up to...I wanted to be just like you...but we are different for a reason, eh?" he asked.

I was speechless. All I could do was cry. It was too much to bear...the days I would have to spend...alone...without him were too many...for the rest of my life I would have to cope. I couldn't do it! It was too long...

Letting go of his hand, I pulled Mattie forward so that I was hugging him. He hugged me back, but weakly...he was losing strength...

"Mattie...please...don't let go" I cried. We stayed like this, in a tight embrace, for a few more seconds, though I wished it was longer, and then he collapsed. I caught him, but it was no use. This was it...he was dying in my arms...

"I...love you...Alfred" he gasped, trembling as he spoke.

"Mattie...please no..." I wailed, praying that somehow this was all a dream. That I would wake up and all this would just be a hazy memory.

But it wasn't a dream. Mattie looked me for a millisecond, and took his last breath and closed his eyes...

F*** NO!

"MATTIE!" I screamed, crying so hard, I felt sick. But what was I supposed to do? This time, I was too late to save him...

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><p>Someone once told me that "Death is not putting out the light, but turning off the lamp because dawn has come"<p>

I hadn't believed them then. I still don't now. Every light in my life was out. Mattie was DEAD! How could I say such sweet things about death, when it isn't true? Death is not sweet. It is a savage evilness that leaves you with nothing...

Mattie was always my idol. I wanted to be just like him...and now he was gone! How can I even have a crumb of happiness left in me now?

But the thing is, Mattie committed suicide. I don't blame him...I blame myself...

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><p><strong>OK, forget Chapter 4 being the saddest chapter...this beats any chapter in sadness<strong>

**It is also the longest chapter yet...**

**And that, my dearest fans...is how the story ends...**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, and thank you so much to those who made me continue writing, it has been quite a ride.**

**Please review (if you are still able to type that is...)**


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